Disclosure dilemma: Revealing biological paternity to family and others after unexpected direct-to-consumer genetic results
Discovering unexpected paternity through DNA testing creates a complex disclosure journey involving identity crisis, family system disruption, and ongoing challenges
Grethel, M., Ross, L., Obadia, J., & Freeman, R. (2024). Disclosure dilemma: Revealing biological paternity to family and others after unexpected direct-to-consumer genetic results. Family Relations, 1-27. https://doi.org/10.1111/fare.13088
Geographic Region: United States
Research Question: How do individuals navigate the complexities of disclosing unexpected biological paternity results to family members and others?
Research Methods: Qualitative study using 60-minute in-depth semi-structured interviews
Sample: 27 individuals who received genetic test results revealing unexpected biological paternity (i.e., an NPE event) recruited through social media group
Ages ranged from 40-70 years (mean 51.7 years)
69% were women
86% were non-Hispanic/Latinx White, with the remainder Asian/Pacific Islander, Hispanic/Latinx, Black/African American.
Time since discovery: 18% within 90 days, 15% 3-6 months, 11% 6-9 months, 18% within past year, 27% within past 2 years, 11% 3+ years
Regions: Northeast (30%), Northwest (18%), Southeast (22%), Southwest (15%), Midwest (15%)
Analysis Methods: Inductive thematic analysis using Family Systems Theory and Disclosure Processes Model
Key Findings:
Context of Decision to Disclose - People faced difficult decisions about sharing their DNA test results for a range of reasons. They were often in shock and emotional turmoil when they first found out. They worried about how others would judge them or their mothers. They felt uncertain about when was the "right time" to tell people. They had to consider their mother's health and well-being. They worried about disrupting their family relationships. They needed to check if their biological father was alive and could be contacted. They felt a strong need to understand their true origins. They were concerned about medical history for themselves and their children.
Disclosure to Birth-Certificate Family - When telling the family they grew up with, people experienced: Fear about being rejected by their family, especially parents; Difficult conversations with mothers who often denied the truth at first; Anger about being lied to for many years; Mixed reactions from siblings - some supportive, others dismissive; Concerns about hurting the father who raised them; Sometimes improved family relationships after secrets were revealed; Sometimes damaged or broken relationships, especially with mothers; Stress about possibly revealing other family secrets; Feeling caught between wanting the truth and protecting family members.
Disclosure to New Genetic Family - When reaching out to their newly discovered biological family, people found: Many struggled to locate their biological fathers; Some biological relatives were welcoming, others were suspicious; New half-siblings sometimes controlled access to information; Some faced complete rejection from their new family; Others developed wonderful relationships with biological fathers; Complicated dynamics with new half-siblings who had different views; Particular distress when biological fathers were deceased; Difficulty managing expectations about new relationships; Challenges balancing relationships with old and new families.
Disclosure to Others/Long-Term Effects - When sharing with friends and dealing with long-term impacts, people experienced: Initial support from friends that often faded over time; Friends sometimes minimizing the importance of their discovery; Difficulty explaining their situation in everyday conversations; Finding strong support in online communities with similar experiences; Ongoing emotional impact affecting daily life; Changes in how they viewed themselves and their family history; Challenges with medical professionals about family history; Impact on their children and future generations; Continuing need to decide who to tell in new situations.
Experiences with Disclosure - Overall patterns in how people handled sharing their DNA discovery included: All participants eventually told at least some family members; Most felt compelled to share despite risks to relationships; Many found relief in finally understanding their true origins; Some experienced both positive and negative outcomes; Most didn't regret sharing, even when it led to difficult outcomes; Many struggled with managing others' reactions; Some found themselves repeatedly sharing their story; Many needed ongoing support to process the experience; The disclosure process was ongoing rather than a one-time event; Different cultural and generational views affected how people responded; Stigma about the circumstances of their conception affected disclosure decisions; Many felt isolated or misunderstood during the process
Limitations: Small sample size and lack of diversity in sample demographics.
Applications:
Mental health professionals should help individuals navigate the complex decision-making process about disclosure while preparing them for various possible outcomes, both positive and negative. This includes helping people plan how to tell family members, managing expectations about responses, and developing coping strategies for potential rejection.
Counselors and therapists should avoid common but unhelpful responses like "your dad is still your dad" or suggesting that people should quickly move past their discovery. Instead, they need to recognize that processing an NPE discovery is a long-term journey that requires ongoing support.
Mental health professionals should be prepared to help clients through different stages of their journey, from initial shock and disclosure decisions to ongoing relationship management and identity integration.
Funding Source: Not specified in the article
Lead Author: Michele Grethel is a psychotherapist, consultant, faculty member at USC Suzanne-Dworak Peck School of Social Work, and clinical researcher.